Episode 25: With Counselor Vin (A Lifetime of Supporting Others)
Opening
The complications of connecting over new technology…during a pandemic!
0:04
Vin now goes by Vincenzo. As a teenager, he was Mr. D’Antona. To my mom, he was Vin.
“My wife took me to the emergency room and they said, “You might have broken your hip.” I freaked out. You can’t be old and break your hip.”
Vin goes to the health club every day. With the hip recovery, he’s been watching Netflix and Amazon Prime and is going stir crazy.
0:10
Gratitude for Vin
I thank Vin for being a source of compassion and kindness during some turbulent times in high school.
0:14
Mid-1960s: Hippie Vin Becomes a School Counselor
1963: Vin is hired to teach math at Arlington High School (Massachusetts). Two years later, Vin is asked by the head school counselor to become a counselor for the non-college-bound boys, due to his popularity.
Vin volunteered to help during his two prep periods, but continued to teach math. Vin changed his Master’s Degree program to counseling psychology.
Vin was wanted by both the Math Department and the Counselor. He had to decide which direction to take. He didn’t want to let down either of them. He loved teaching, but decided to become the guidance counselor in his fifth year at Arlington High.
“In the late 1960s, I witnessed walk-outs. Kids would walk out and stand in the grass and burn the American flag and burn their draft cards. Then, streaking became popular. They would run naked through the high school and go into the teacher’s rooms, which was mostly women. I loved the 60s! I had a car…my son would go nuts if he knew this…I had a Volkswagen or something like that and I had flowers all over it! I became a hippie, I have to admit! I went to these parties in Cambridge, I won’t tell you what I was doing!”
0:27
Q. When you look back at that period of social movements, what went wrong over the decades? Where did that push for change go?
I remember when Kennedy was running for President. I went to his rally in Boston. I felt he would support the change that was happening. Looking back on that time, I think a lot has to do with the person we elected to be our President and the wars we were fighting.
0:31
Supporting Students in Need — A Vietnam Story
One of Vin’s former students came back from Vietnam and got a dishonorable discharge. Vin knew the whole family of this student. Vin drove down to Washington and testified for him at the Pentagon. Vin was interrogated. The student ended up getting his military benefits.
I loved the job. I loved working in Arlington. Arlington changed my life forever. I loved working with the parents and their children. I was fortunate I was there.
0:36
Childhood — Sicilian Dad and Polish Mom
Vin’s dad came from Sicily to Massachusetts when he was very young. Vin is named Vincenzo after his grandfather.
Vin grew up in Cambridge in the 1940s. His dad Rosario was in the army during World War II and saw hell. Air-raid sirens. Vin’s grandfather painted murals on the back of the shades. Vin remembers the murals being calming, during those air-raids.
Vin’s dad came back entirely changed from the war. Was clearly dealing with PTSD. Vin says, “You wouldn’t want to make Rosario angry.”
Uncle Rio and Aunt Connie
“My uncle Rio owned an ice cream factory near our house. He gave my father a job. My father became an ice cream delivery driver. My dad was heavy into gardening. Tomatoes, grapes, all kinds of vegetables.” He brought Sicily over to Somerville.
0:45
Brief Ode to Trev (Mr. Trevisani)
Vin’s friend that went all the way back to 9th grade — Tom Trevisani. “Trev” was a fixture in the English Department at AHS. Jonah recounts what an wonderful teacher Trev was.
0:47
The Big House in Arlington
Vin’s aunt and uncle were very wealthy. Aunt Connie and Uncle Rio. They had the ice cream factory. They built houses. Summer retreat in New Hampshire. They build a house on Pleasant Street in Arlington.
“I spent a lot of time in that house as a child. She loved me. I was named after her father, Vincenzo. She’d invite me over to the house. She’d take me to New Hampshire. I believe part of it was because I carried his name.”
Fortunate: I Was Lucky I Wasn’t Around Alcoholism
Because they married outside their background, both of Vin’s parents dealt with being shut out from parts of their families. Alcohol was a problem for most of his mother’s family. Vin’s mom chose to marry someone who didn’t drink. We spent most of our time with the Italians and most of it in Arlington.
Before the war, Rosario was jovial, and everyone loved him. He came back as a changed person.
0:52
Health, Mental Health and Grieving
Vin’s younger brother got an aggressive leukemia. Vin tried to help his brother with a stem cell transplant in 2006. Vin went into counseling after his brother’s death. Vin was determined to save his brother.
0:55
Becoming a Father
Three Sons: Jason, Aaron and Simon
My oldest son Jason is an electrical engineer. He’s a director of all the general hospitals in the state. He got into Villanova’s engineering program. It changed his life. Jason had just graduated from Villanova. Aaron’s goal was to become a medical doctor; he was in college in Connecticut. Simon was in high school and he was a jock.
Jason was a track runner in high school. Aaron was asthmatic. He became a wrestler. They’re both married with three kids. Simon’s aspiration was to play football in college. He wanted to go to Babson and major in business.
Tragedy
Vin talks about how difficult it was to make peace with the death of his son, which happened in front of him. Simon was 14. Therapy helped him make peace over time.
“I’m so thankful where my boys are now. I really thank god for where they are, because they stayed on track as they lost their younger brother.”
1:08
Returning to Arlington: Giving and Mentoring In Order to Heal
Vin says he was “hugged by the whole community.”
They helped me heal. The job allowed me to not get overly depressed and move forward with my life.
Peer education groups; a loss group for kids dealing with death and loss; a suicide prevention group — trained high school kids and sent the kids to 9th graders. Students with other students. Talking about suicide prevention and depression.
Hiking the Grand Canyon
Herbert Benson: The Relaxation Response
A Psychological Tool: Making an Intention List
Writing down goals you have and reflecting on them each morning.
1:20
Connections
Jonah describes how important it is to find ways of connection
1:25
COVID-Disconnections
New Year’s Eve at arm’s length. Vin’s heart sank when he saw his family and wasn’t able to hug them and sit with them.
1:28
Bowls of Fresh Vanilla Ice Cream
Vin lived across from his uncle’s ice cream factory. Vin was obese. Life was not easy in school. Vin and his family moved to Everett.
“I dealt with a lot of harassment in terms of my body.”
Vin was constantly bullied and harassed about his weight. He had a crush on Christine. After he asked her to the junior prom and she said no, he lost 85 pounds over the summer and came back to high school feeling entirely different. When he asked Christine to the senior prom, she said yes.
1:35
Vin’s Experience: Childhood Harassment Leading to Empathy
Because of Vin’s life experience, he was compelled to support others who were in pain and spread empathy.
If you enjoyed this show, please share the episode and subscribe to the podcast. Reach out to those who you think might be having a difficult time.
Thanks for listening.
This is temporary.
Jonah
Links to Resources for counseling, anti-bullying, and mindfulness practice.